I have survived raising children, menopause, workplace deadlines, and a global pandemic.
Yet somehow, a move has nearly taken me out.
Five days ago, I arrived at my new house with six carloads of belongings and one fully packed 26-foot moving truck. At the time, I thought, “This won’t be too bad.”
I was an idiot.
Day One was exciting. New house! New beginning! Fresh start!
Day Two involved opening boxes labelled “Kitchen” only to discover Christmas decorations, extension cords, and a lone spatula.
Day Three was spent wandering from room to room carrying the same decorative basket while repeatedly asking myself, “Where would a normal person put this?”
Day Four was dedicated to finding things I had already unpacked.
Today, Day Five, I spent four hours assembling a bathroom cabinet.
Four.
Hours.
The instructions consisted of seventeen pages, no words, and tiny stick figures that looked like they were mocking me.
At one point I had three screws left over, two shelves upside down, and a growing suspicion that the cabinet was actually designed by a committee of sadists.
I eventually finished it, stepped back proudly, and realized I had installed the door backwards.
I may have cried a little.
The hardest part of moving isn’t lifting boxes.
It’s deciding where everything goes.
Every object suddenly becomes a major life decision.
Where should the scissors live?
What drawer gets the batteries?
How many throw blankets does one woman actually need?
Why do I own seventeen coffee mugs when I only drink from the same two?
Every room currently contains random piles labelled:
- Things I need.
- Things I might need.
- Things I should donate.
- Things I forgot I owned.
- Things I have absolutely no idea why I own.
At this point, I don’t live in a house.
I live in a very organized storage unit.
Friends keep asking, “Are you settled in yet?”
No.
I am not settled.
I am wandering around looking for my phone while talking on it.
I am eating supper with a serving spoon because I can’t find the cutlery tray.
I am sleeping perfectly because I am too exhausted to be awake.
The good news is that every box I unpack means I’m one step closer to being done.
The bad news is that I just found three more boxes in the garage.
If I ever decide to move again, please remind me of this moment.
Better yet, just leave me here.
I don’t care if this becomes my forever home, a museum, or an archaeological dig site.
I am staying put.
Forever.









