An investigation nobody over 50 asked for.
There are certain things nobody warns you about aging.
Reading glasses will reproduce when you’re not looking.
Your knees will begin providing weather forecasts.
And apparently, your hair will start relocating to completely unauthorized areas of your body.
The hair on my head?
“Oh, sorry. We’re thinning out. Budget cuts.”
Meanwhile, one single chin hair has apparently been approved for unlimited overtime.
And it’s never a normal little hair.
Oh no.
This thing is INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH.
I can go to bed with a perfectly smooth chin and wake up the next morning with something that looks like it could be used to tow a small trailer.
And WHY is it always so long?!
Where were you yesterday?
Did you grow three inches overnight?
Were you hiding under the skin waiting for me to have somewhere important to go?
Then there are the mystery hairs.
One on the neck.
One beside the eyebrow that apparently has no intention of actually JOINING the eyebrow.
And my personal favourite — the one you don’t notice until you’re sitting in the car and the sunlight hits your face at exactly the right angle.
Suddenly…
GOOD LORD.
There it is.
A six-inch silver antenna growing out of your cheek.
So naturally you spend the entire drive trying to yank it out with two fingernails while your husband wonders why you’re attacking your own face.
And can someone please explain this:
WHY ARE THESE HAIRS SO STRONG?!
The hair on my head breaks if I look at it incorrectly.
Chin hair?
You need pliers, a flashlight and possibly a building permit.
At this point, I don’t pluck hairs.
I perform minor excavations.
So if you see a woman over 60 sitting in a parking lot staring into her visor mirror with tweezers…
Don’t disturb her.
She’s working.
— Arctic Blonde Society
Still fabulous. Just slightly furrier. 😂
