Because apparently, being born left-handed was my first act of rebellion.
I was born left-handed.
Not by choice.
Not because I wanted to be different.
And certainly not because I wanted to spend the next 60-plus years fighting with scissors, can openers, notebooks, and every other household object apparently designed by someone who thinks left-handed people are a myth.
Nope.
I just came out of the womb ready to do things my own way.
And the world responded:
“Well, that’s going to be inconvenient.”
Sixty-two years later, I’m still waiting for an apology.
Preferably handwritten.
With a pen that doesn’t smear all over the side of my hand.
✂️ Scissors: The Original Left-Handed Hate Crime
Let’s begin with scissors.
Those innocent-looking little instruments of torture.
Right-handed people pick up scissors and cut things.
Just like that.
Snip, snip.
Beautiful straight lines.
Meanwhile, I pick up the same scissors and suddenly I’m performing orthopedic surgery on a piece of wrapping paper.
The blades fold the paper.
The paper bends.
My thumb cramps.
And somehow, after 15 minutes, I’ve managed to cut a shape that looks like the province of Saskatchewan after an earthquake.
Then some helpful right-handed person says:
“You’re holding them wrong.”
OH, AM I, KAREN?
THANK GOODNESS YOU’RE HERE.
I’VE ONLY BEEN LEFT-HANDED MY ENTIRE LIFE.
PLEASE EXPLAIN MY OWN HAND TO ME.
And don’t even get me started on those supposedly universal scissors.
Universal for WHO?
A right-handed octopus?
🖊️ The Silver Hand of Shame
If you grew up left-handed, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
You could start the school day with a perfectly clean hand.
By lunchtime, the side of your left hand looked like you’d been fingerprinted at the police station.
Blue ink.
Black ink.
Sometimes both.
And the writing?
Half the words were smeared beyond recognition.
Teachers would look at your notebook and say:
“Try to keep your work neat.”
ABSOLUTELY.
LET ME JUST REMOVE MY HAND FROM THE END OF MY ARM AND SEE IF THAT HELPS.
And remember those three-ring binders?
The metal rings were positioned exactly where your hand needed to be.
You either wrote with your wrist twisted into a position not approved by the medical profession, or you took the paper out.
Every. Single. Time.
Right-handed students were learning geography.
I was learning survival skills.
📚 Spiral Notebooks Were Designed by the Devil Himself
Who invented spiral notebooks?
I’d like a name.
An address.
And five minutes alone with them.
For right-handed people, a spiral notebook is a convenient place to write.
For left-handed people, it’s a medieval torture device.
You start writing on the right-hand page and immediately have a metal coil digging into your wrist.
By the third paragraph, you’ve lost circulation in two fingers and developed a personal relationship with pain.
And the solution everyone offers?
“Just turn the notebook upside down.”
Oh, brilliant.
Now my notebook looks like it was assembled by a confused raccoon.
But thank you for your contribution.
🥫 The Can Opener: A Personal Attack
I have a theory.
Somewhere, there’s a secret committee of right-handed people whose only purpose is to invent things that make left-handed people miserable.
Their meetings probably go something like this:
“How can we make opening a can of soup unnecessarily difficult?”
“Put the handle on the wrong side!”
“Excellent, Gerald. You’re getting a promotion.”
And so, every time I want a can of tomatoes, I have to perform a manoeuvre involving my right hand, my left hand, the kitchen counter, and a prayer.
By the time I get the can open, I’ve lost interest in cooking.
Congratulations.
We’re having toast.
☕ Even Coffee Mugs Have Picked a Side
Have you ever noticed that some coffee mugs have a cute little saying or picture on one side?
“Good Morning, Sunshine!”
“Coffee First!”
“World’s Best Mom!”
Adorable.
Unless you’re left-handed.
Because when I hold the mug naturally, the message faces ME.
Everyone else gets to stare at the blank side.
I could be drinking from a mug that says “Queen of Everything,” and nobody would know.
Which, frankly, is a tragedy.
I didn’t buy a sarcastic coffee mug to keep its wisdom to myself.
I bought it so everyone in the room would know exactly what kind of mood I’m in.
🍽️ Dinner Tables: Where Left-Handed People Become Public Enemies
Family dinners are always an adventure.
Especially when you’re sitting beside a right-handed person.
You pick up your fork.
They pick up theirs.
And suddenly you’re elbowing each other like two hockey players fighting for possession of the puck.
“Can you move your arm?”
CAN YOU MOVE YOUR ENTIRE BODY, BRENDA?
I WAS HERE FIRST.
Eventually, someone suggests I sit at the end of the table.
Ah, yes.
The designated left-handed seating area.
Right beside the toddler, the wobbly chair, and the person nobody wants to talk to.
How lovely.
🖥️ The Computer Mouse: A Betrayal I Have Learned to Live With
Somewhere along the way, I had to make peace with using a computer mouse.
And naturally, the entire world decided the mouse belongs on the right.
So I adapted.
Because that’s what left-handed people do.
We adapt.
We adjust.
We figure things out.
We develop skills that right-handed people never even think about.
And then some right-handed person watches me do something with my left hand and says:
“Wow! I could never do that!”
Well, congratulations, Linda.
I couldn’t use your stupid can opener either, but here we are.
🧶 The Crochet Pattern Conspiracy
And let’s discuss crocheting.
Because apparently, even yarn has a preferred direction.
You find a beautiful crochet tutorial online.
The woman demonstrates every stitch perfectly.
Her hook moves gracefully.
Her yarn flows like a peaceful mountain stream.
And then there’s me.
Trying to mentally reverse every movement like I’m decoding military intelligence.
“Insert hook from right to left.”
Wonderful.
Now let me just turn my brain inside out.
“Yarn over.”
Which way?
“Turn your work.”
I HAVE TURNED MY WORK, MY HEAD, AND MY ENTIRE PERSONALITY.
At this point, I’m not making a baby blanket.
I’m performing an advanced spatial reasoning experiment with acrylic yarn.
And if the finished blanket comes out a little different?
It’s not a mistake.
It’s a limited-edition left-handed design.
🤦♀️ “Oh! You’re Left-Handed!”
This might be my favourite.
You’re signing a receipt.
Writing a grocery list.
Or filling out a form.
And suddenly someone gasps:
“OH! YOU’RE LEFT-HANDED!”
Yes.
Yes, I am.
Thank you for noticing.
I was hoping to keep it a secret, but apparently my cover has been blown.
Then comes the next question:
“Have you always been left-handed?”
No, Susan from Accounting.
I woke up last Thursday and thought I’d give it a try.
Needed a hobby.
And then there’s the classic:
“My cousin’s neighbour’s sister is left-handed!”
WELL, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT.
THERE ARE TWO OF US.
SHOULD WE START A CLUB?
ORDER JACKETS?
HAVE A PARADE?
🏆 But Here’s the Thing About Us Lefties…
We are a resourceful bunch.
We’ve spent our entire lives figuring out how to operate in a world that seems to have been assembled backwards.
We can work around awkward tools.
We can adapt to inconvenient desks.
We can survive school supplies that were clearly designed by people who have never met a left-handed child.
And we’ve learned to smile politely when someone tells us we’re doing something the wrong way.
Well.
Most of the time.
The truth is, being left-handed has taught me patience, creativity, and how to swear quietly while opening a can of tuna.
These are valuable life skills.
And at this age, I have absolutely no intention of changing.
💜 A Final Thought from Arctic Blonde Society
To all my fellow left-handed ladies out there:
We’ve survived smeared ink, spiral notebooks, impossible scissors, backwards can openers, and decades of people announcing our handedness like they’ve just discovered a rare species in the Amazon rainforest.
We’ve adapted.
We’ve improvised.
We’ve overcome.
And we’ve done it all while living in a world that apparently forgot to make room for the other hand.
So here’s to us.
The lefties.
The southpaws.
The women who have been doing things differently since the day we were born.
We’re not doing it backwards.
The rest of you are just doing it the other way.
And if anyone has a problem with that, they can put it in writing.
Preferably in a spiral notebook.
With a cheap ballpoint pen.
While wearing a white sweater.
Let’s see how YOU like it. 😂
Stay fabulous, stay sarcastic, and keep doing things your own way.
— Arctic Blonde Society 💜
💬 Your Turn, Ladies!
Are you left-handed, right-handed, or one of those suspiciously talented people who can use both hands?
And if you’re a fellow lefty, what everyday object drives you absolutely INSANE?
Scissors? Can openers? Spiral notebooks? Those ridiculous school desks?
Tell me in the comments!
And right-handed ladies, we love you too.
We just wish you’d stop designing everything. 😂💜
Arctic Blonde Society — Where being a little different is practically a requirement.
